Funny/awkward conversations with cab drivers
July 22nd 2008 12:47
Due to the frequency I travel for work, I have my share of having to endure taxi rides from the airport to hotel/home with drivers coming up with the most awkward conversation ever imaginable. Don't get me wrong, they are not all that bad. Some cab drivers actually have some very unique point of views which are always good to listen to, and some have some interesting knowledge and story to pass on which are always great. The funny thing is, most cab drivers, when they feel talkative, will end up talking about sex one way or the other.
Once I was on my way to a hotel in Darling Harbour from Sydney Airport and the driver decided to take the way down Oxford St. Those not from Sydney this is the gay and lesbian party central in the city. A gay couple crosses the road in front of us, and the cab driver says "I don't understand"
"What don't you understand driver?"
"How they think? Why? How? Do they take turns?"
"I am sorry?"
"Gay people. I have nothing against them. I think it's great they can express their choice of lifestyle freely. But they must take turns."
"I think they are nice people."
"Yes, I am sure they are. But you know? Do they take turns? Does one go on top and then later on the other go on top?"
"I don't know driver. I don't think I am the right person to ask."
....
Another time, also from Sydney Airport to my hotel, the taxi driver says he is actually a chocolatier from France but he can't find a job here in Sydney in his profession so he is driving a cab.
"Do you like chocolate?"
"Of course I do!"
"Yes, it's actually good for you you know? Cocoa beans does not make people fat. It's all the flavouring and bad things they put in the commercial chocolates that does."
"I know. I know chocolates are good for us." *smile*
"Do you know it works better than viagra?"
"I know it makes you happy."
"Yes, that's why. It works for both men and women. You have chocolate, you have good sex."
.....
And here is a classic one - and would have to be one of my worst and most awkward:
On a can from Melbourne Airport to the hotel... the taxi driver really really wanted to talk...
"You here for work?"
"Yes I am."
"Are you married?"
"No I am not"
"You have boyfriend?"
"Yes I do."
"You see your boyfriend?"
"Yes I do. Everyday."
"Oh you work together?"
"No we live together?"
"You have house together?"
"No, we just live together"
"You have baby?"
"No."
"How you do that?"
"I am sorry?"
"No baby. How do you.... stop water coming?"
"Water?"
"You live together... a man.. water come, baby come."
"Oh... um... there are ways."
"What ways?" (considered jumping out of taxi but saw that driver genuinely wanted to know)
"Er... well condoms for example."
"You know in Africa, where I come from, there are big problems with this."
"Yes I think I am aware."
"We don't know how to stop water coming. Condoms I hear not comfortable."
"I can't say. Sorry."
"It doesn't come out?"
"No. It's tested well." (I hope anyway, and why is the traffic not moving faster??)
"Maybe wear two, make it safer"
"No, you don't need two.. but you can if you like."
"Ok."
<< silence - thank god >>
"So condoms" (oh, it's not finished yet)
"Yes.... oh look, can you just drop me off here? I see there isn't much parking in front of the hotel." (Trying to sound helpful)
"Thank you for your advice."
"You are welcome. Keep the change." (it was only $1)
Once I was on my way to a hotel in Darling Harbour from Sydney Airport and the driver decided to take the way down Oxford St. Those not from Sydney this is the gay and lesbian party central in the city. A gay couple crosses the road in front of us, and the cab driver says "I don't understand"
"How they think? Why? How? Do they take turns?"
"I am sorry?"
"Gay people. I have nothing against them. I think it's great they can express their choice of lifestyle freely. But they must take turns."
"I think they are nice people."
"Yes, I am sure they are. But you know? Do they take turns? Does one go on top and then later on the other go on top?"
"I don't know driver. I don't think I am the right person to ask."
....
Another time, also from Sydney Airport to my hotel, the taxi driver says he is actually a chocolatier from France but he can't find a job here in Sydney in his profession so he is driving a cab.
"Do you like chocolate?"
"Of course I do!"
"Yes, it's actually good for you you know? Cocoa beans does not make people fat. It's all the flavouring and bad things they put in the commercial chocolates that does."
"I know. I know chocolates are good for us." *smile*
"I know it makes you happy."
"Yes, that's why. It works for both men and women. You have chocolate, you have good sex."
.....
And here is a classic one - and would have to be one of my worst and most awkward:
On a can from Melbourne Airport to the hotel... the taxi driver really really wanted to talk...
"You here for work?"
"Yes I am."
"Are you married?"
"No I am not"
"You have boyfriend?"
"Yes I do."
"You see your boyfriend?"
"Yes I do. Everyday."
"Oh you work together?"
"No we live together?"
"You have house together?"
"No, we just live together"
"You have baby?"
"No."
"How you do that?"
"I am sorry?"
"No baby. How do you.... stop water coming?"
"Water?"
"You live together... a man.. water come, baby come."
"Oh... um... there are ways."
"What ways?" (considered jumping out of taxi but saw that driver genuinely wanted to know)
"Er... well condoms for example."
"You know in Africa, where I come from, there are big problems with this."
"Yes I think I am aware."
"We don't know how to stop water coming. Condoms I hear not comfortable."
"I can't say. Sorry."
"It doesn't come out?"
"No. It's tested well." (I hope anyway, and why is the traffic not moving faster??)
"Maybe wear two, make it safer"
"No, you don't need two.. but you can if you like."
"Ok."
<< silence - thank god >>
"So condoms" (oh, it's not finished yet)
"Yes.... oh look, can you just drop me off here? I see there isn't much parking in front of the hotel." (Trying to sound helpful)
"Thank you for your advice."
"You are welcome. Keep the change." (it was only $1)
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Howcome this is so universal?? Taxi Drivers chat you up wherever you are in the world. I know for a fact they do in the US, here in the Philippines and there in Australia.
I haven't taken a cab in HongKong that did tough, but i'm pretty sure they do!
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