Crying for each other
March 31st 2008 04:40
Last night Will and I were chatting on Skype. We both cried. We were discussing how our finances are going to work, and our worries that after I move up to Coffs Harbour I am not going to find a job and we will both end up not being able to afford to live in our house and go into debt.
We cried not because we realised how much work it's going to be for both of us but it's more because we are not physically together to be able to hold each other and the frustration of not being able to find a good solution to our current situation is starting to wear us out.
Afterwards I thought about my previous relationships. Tears were normally associated with pain and anger and now, tear has become a symbol of love. How much I have changed.
I remember the day I met Rick*, this is when Rob has finally moved out of my floor and found a place of his own. For some reason I decided to go online to Yahoo Personals and started 'browsing' through the men who's posts up their profiles (yes everyone - I HAVE tried everything once). Never have I thought I'd date anyone from the internet and I don't remember who emailed who first, but I ended up meeting Rick for the first time for a beer after a couple of email exchanges that proved he was reasonably nice.
Rick was a divorced man looking for second chances in love, yet still has great fear of commitment and women in general. I was aware, and hence I held myself back. He wasn't particularly my type, we have nothing in common, but I was going through a stage and it happens that I thought I'd give it a go.
You could hardly call it a relationship. It went for 8 months, but we saw each other only when we didn't have much else to do. At first, we were both clear that we wanted no serious commitment, as I was still quite hung up on CB at the time and he obviously wasn't ready after his divorce. Yet, funny thing about men is, they'll give you a different message when they are drunk.
The first time I got a call from him was around 5 months into the ordeal. He called around 2am. "Hello darling" he said. "I am thinking about you."
I was extremely sleepy. "Really?" I asked and yawned.
"I think I am falling in love with you. Do you love me?" Well, that surprised me. I said no.
"Aww! That's harsh!"
Conversations like this repeated from time to time, and I was led to believe perhaps he really meant it.
I was struggling. I didn't really love him but he was in a way, a decent bloke. He just had issues. There is an argument we had which led me asking about his motives in calling me and tell me that he wants something more serious with me. I don't quite remember what it's about now but at one point he said "I don't know why you are acting like this. Let me ask you this: are you even my girlfriend?"
"Oh I don't know, am I?" I said. "I didn't think I was, but your mid-night phone calls seem to be telling me differently"
It was extremely frustrating, and so I decided to hang up on him. However, I felt bad. I've never hung up on someone before, even during times when I have been angry or upset. So I decided to call back to apologise and to end this once and for all.
He doesn't answer. And for some reason I felt that I really need to make this apology, so I made the foolish move of actually getting out, driving over to his place, knocked on the door, apologised and left.....
We cried not because we realised how much work it's going to be for both of us but it's more because we are not physically together to be able to hold each other and the frustration of not being able to find a good solution to our current situation is starting to wear us out.
Afterwards I thought about my previous relationships. Tears were normally associated with pain and anger and now, tear has become a symbol of love. How much I have changed.
I remember the day I met Rick*, this is when Rob has finally moved out of my floor and found a place of his own. For some reason I decided to go online to Yahoo Personals and started 'browsing' through the men who's posts up their profiles (yes everyone - I HAVE tried everything once). Never have I thought I'd date anyone from the internet and I don't remember who emailed who first, but I ended up meeting Rick for the first time for a beer after a couple of email exchanges that proved he was reasonably nice.
Rick was a divorced man looking for second chances in love, yet still has great fear of commitment and women in general. I was aware, and hence I held myself back. He wasn't particularly my type, we have nothing in common, but I was going through a stage and it happens that I thought I'd give it a go.
You could hardly call it a relationship. It went for 8 months, but we saw each other only when we didn't have much else to do. At first, we were both clear that we wanted no serious commitment, as I was still quite hung up on CB at the time and he obviously wasn't ready after his divorce. Yet, funny thing about men is, they'll give you a different message when they are drunk.
The first time I got a call from him was around 5 months into the ordeal. He called around 2am. "Hello darling" he said. "I am thinking about you."
I was extremely sleepy. "Really?" I asked and yawned.
"I think I am falling in love with you. Do you love me?" Well, that surprised me. I said no.
"Aww! That's harsh!"
Conversations like this repeated from time to time, and I was led to believe perhaps he really meant it.
I was struggling. I didn't really love him but he was in a way, a decent bloke. He just had issues. There is an argument we had which led me asking about his motives in calling me and tell me that he wants something more serious with me. I don't quite remember what it's about now but at one point he said "I don't know why you are acting like this. Let me ask you this: are you even my girlfriend?"
"Oh I don't know, am I?" I said. "I didn't think I was, but your mid-night phone calls seem to be telling me differently"
It was extremely frustrating, and so I decided to hang up on him. However, I felt bad. I've never hung up on someone before, even during times when I have been angry or upset. So I decided to call back to apologise and to end this once and for all.
He doesn't answer. And for some reason I felt that I really need to make this apology, so I made the foolish move of actually getting out, driving over to his place, knocked on the door, apologised and left.....
| 53 |
| Vote |
Subscribe to this blog
