Loving my parents
April 25th 2008 14:20
Ok. This is a hard one. I don't actually love my parents.
Not having grown up with them really harmed my emotional feelings towards my parents. I consider my aunt more of my mum rather than my own mum, and sometimes I just find it hard having to deal with them now, knowing that I am doing certain things for them out of obligation rather than love.
I know you can't choose your family, however I don't really respect my father because he's never really been that much of a father figure to us. My memories of him hitting my mum as well as canning us when we were children really scarred my impression of him as both a husband and a father. When mum was still healthy (my mum is semi-handicapped at the moment) he used to come home from work, put his feet up, watch tv and expect dinner to be served by the women of the house. Even now, having to care for my mum, he would still use every opportunity to not have to do something. He demands us to do it if we are at home. "The cat just pooped" he would say, not even to ask us to clean, but expecting us to hear this, and go do our daughterly duties.
Good daughters shouldn't be told. We should be doing everything already.
He came from a very traditional Taiwanese family, with both his parents educated by the Japanese during their occupation of Taiwan, they adopted the Japanese gender roles. The males in the house hold are gods, and females have to do everything they say and for them. It is still like that, when dad visit his mum in Taipei, that he would put his feet up, and expect dinner to be served by this 70 year old woman.
So, as a strong headed woman, I never respected his actions towards mum and the way he is irresponsible about the household.
As for mum, I have sympathy for her, but not necessarily love. I wish she would get better, but that's it. However, my relationship with her had always been better than my relationship with my dad, so we would still chat, we would still gossip, but from time to time, the cultural gap comes in and we would just stop talking. Somethings are just too hard to explain, and knowing that it was the way she was brought up, I didn't want to try to argue and change her mind either, because I know it'll never happen.
My question is, MUST we love our parents? What about those kids who have been dumped? Do they have to love their parents just because they are parents? That's one thing my parents keep telling me - I have to love them, they are my parents, and nothing can change that.
Do I have to?
Not having grown up with them really harmed my emotional feelings towards my parents. I consider my aunt more of my mum rather than my own mum, and sometimes I just find it hard having to deal with them now, knowing that I am doing certain things for them out of obligation rather than love.
I know you can't choose your family, however I don't really respect my father because he's never really been that much of a father figure to us. My memories of him hitting my mum as well as canning us when we were children really scarred my impression of him as both a husband and a father. When mum was still healthy (my mum is semi-handicapped at the moment) he used to come home from work, put his feet up, watch tv and expect dinner to be served by the women of the house. Even now, having to care for my mum, he would still use every opportunity to not have to do something. He demands us to do it if we are at home. "The cat just pooped" he would say, not even to ask us to clean, but expecting us to hear this, and go do our daughterly duties.
Good daughters shouldn't be told. We should be doing everything already.
He came from a very traditional Taiwanese family, with both his parents educated by the Japanese during their occupation of Taiwan, they adopted the Japanese gender roles. The males in the house hold are gods, and females have to do everything they say and for them. It is still like that, when dad visit his mum in Taipei, that he would put his feet up, and expect dinner to be served by this 70 year old woman.
So, as a strong headed woman, I never respected his actions towards mum and the way he is irresponsible about the household.
As for mum, I have sympathy for her, but not necessarily love. I wish she would get better, but that's it. However, my relationship with her had always been better than my relationship with my dad, so we would still chat, we would still gossip, but from time to time, the cultural gap comes in and we would just stop talking. Somethings are just too hard to explain, and knowing that it was the way she was brought up, I didn't want to try to argue and change her mind either, because I know it'll never happen.
My question is, MUST we love our parents? What about those kids who have been dumped? Do they have to love their parents just because they are parents? That's one thing my parents keep telling me - I have to love them, they are my parents, and nothing can change that.
Do I have to?
| 37 |
| Vote |
Subscribe to this blog
