Loving a lover
April 27th 2008 22:32
After having chatted about loving our family members, I thought about what makes us love our lovers?
I mean, love is just one word, but can be used in such a broad sense. What makes us love our lovers that is a different love to loving our family and friends?
Why I love Will?
Loving Will comes from knowing that we share the same values and have the same desire of future and lifestyle. My love for Will didn't come instantly. Tequila only brought us physically together and the actual emotional love didn't come until after, when I have spent more time with him and got to know him a lot more.
Of course, I think this sort of love always have a combination of emotional and physical attributes to it. Even if you are emotionally and spiritually connected, doesn't mean you can be physically attracted and this often leads to affairs. I believe you can really love more than one person in your life. I don't believe in "There is only one person meant for one person" type saying, because we are too complicated to define exactly who that ONE person is going to be.
After all, no one is perfect.
My aunt has an interesting saying. You should always marry / settle with someone who loves you more than you love them. Because this way, if it eventually ends, it'll hurt them more than it'll hurt you.
Cruel but interesting thinking. However you can never do that because you will always want to be with the person you love most right?
This sort of love needs to be brewed and managed. Another thing I don't believe it - love at first sight. How much do we put on now just to attract someone? The 'first sight' may not be their true self and you'll eventually break up anyway. Lust at first sight is more like it.
But still - what makes us love differently when it comes to lover compared to the family?
Lust would have to be it. The physical lust, the need to 'mate' (our animal instinct) and the choice. With lovers, we can choose, but when it comes to family, as discussed in the last post - we can't really choose.
And apparently our body odour also make us love our lovers too, so says our scientists!
I mean, love is just one word, but can be used in such a broad sense. What makes us love our lovers that is a different love to loving our family and friends?
Lovers (Image Source: artfiles.art.com)
Why I love Will?
Loving Will comes from knowing that we share the same values and have the same desire of future and lifestyle. My love for Will didn't come instantly. Tequila only brought us physically together and the actual emotional love didn't come until after, when I have spent more time with him and got to know him a lot more.
Of course, I think this sort of love always have a combination of emotional and physical attributes to it. Even if you are emotionally and spiritually connected, doesn't mean you can be physically attracted and this often leads to affairs. I believe you can really love more than one person in your life. I don't believe in "There is only one person meant for one person" type saying, because we are too complicated to define exactly who that ONE person is going to be.
After all, no one is perfect.
My aunt has an interesting saying. You should always marry / settle with someone who loves you more than you love them. Because this way, if it eventually ends, it'll hurt them more than it'll hurt you.
Cruel but interesting thinking. However you can never do that because you will always want to be with the person you love most right?
This sort of love needs to be brewed and managed. Another thing I don't believe it - love at first sight. How much do we put on now just to attract someone? The 'first sight' may not be their true self and you'll eventually break up anyway. Lust at first sight is more like it.
But still - what makes us love differently when it comes to lover compared to the family?
Lust would have to be it. The physical lust, the need to 'mate' (our animal instinct) and the choice. With lovers, we can choose, but when it comes to family, as discussed in the last post - we can't really choose.
And apparently our body odour also make us love our lovers too, so says our scientists!
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I agree with your aunt, Amy. I've always maintained it's best to be the beloved. But as I've matured, I've decided that attitude is fuelled on fear of being hurt. Opening yourself to loving someone is when we are most authentically ourselves, not counting our exits just in case.
Kindness. Intelligence. That is a bounty of loveable characteristics. My hubby has them both. He's pretty special.
Jo
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