Breaking a long distance relationship - My year in Germany
February 28th 2008 00:45
I have previously written about my very first boyfriend, whom, I made the mistake of staying six years with him. It ended with a semi-marriage proposal while I was in Germany, this here is the story.
In 2003, I packed my bags and went on my very first solo travel adventure, a year that turned out to be significant in my personal development and my relationship with others. Along with four other German major students from the same class, we arrived in Saarbruecken, Germany in March, ready to start a new semester at the university.
I vividly remember my first day. I had just arrived at the student accommodation, a small studio room with a desk, a dusty single bed that squeaks with every smallest move I make, and a plain wardrobe. The bathroom is also small and smelt of mould. I sat there for ten minutes with tears in my eyes as it has finally dawned on me that this is where I am going to spend the next 12 months of my life.
I got over that initial shock and went out to buy all the necessary 'homey' stuff, like sheets and blankets for the bed, a kettle, some pots and pans and other toiletry items as well as a pot plant. It's amazing how little things like these can cheer you up so much, and make a basic place feel like home. Fortunately, I also got on with my fellow students at uni quite well, and the year went by just as quickly as it came.
It wasn't until a month before we were due to leave, in January 2004, did I started seeing G, even though we've practiced martial arts together for the entire year at the same Dojo (Training centre). It wasn't until we went to Paris to attend an Aikido seminar did we really notice each other's existence.
Throughout my year in Germany, as I had mentioned, I was still sort of with DC, although, our relationship had been suffering from the lack of communication and my own realisation that I am not the person he wants me to be, and I never will. The year in Germany slowly developed me and brought out some qualities in me that clashed heavily with what DC wanted in a girlfriend/wife.
In August, after having travelled for two months throughout Europe, I sacrificed a month of possible further extensive travels, and flew back to Brisbane to see DC. Problems started immediately with me discovering that he didn't bother even opening the beautifully, time consuming hand written letters I had sent him, and that he wanted to cancel on going to a performance (Nutcrackers on Ice I believe it was) that we booked a long time ago, because he planned to play computer games with his friends on the same day.
I was ready to leave and catch the next flight back 'home' to Germany by the end of the second week, but somehow, DC convinced me to stay.
Days went by in Germany and there were more fights and arguments over the phone and I was certain when I go back I was going to dump him. February came, and we went on this weekend seminar in Paris. G was acting extremely attentive and I noticed his mates making jokes on the side about the two of us. When we got back, we started hanging out a little bit more, going to cafes and chat about this and that... G knew very well I had a boyfriend back home, yet that didn't deter him from wanting to spend time with me.
Until, one day, over a phone call with DC, I exploded. I didn't want to take any of his sh*t anymore and I mentioned I didn't want to speak to him until I get back to Aust. That day, I didn't turn up to training, and G got worried. He came around after training, I cried my hearts out to him, and I suppose, that's when it all happened.
(to be continued)
In 2003, I packed my bags and went on my very first solo travel adventure, a year that turned out to be significant in my personal development and my relationship with others. Along with four other German major students from the same class, we arrived in Saarbruecken, Germany in March, ready to start a new semester at the university.
I vividly remember my first day. I had just arrived at the student accommodation, a small studio room with a desk, a dusty single bed that squeaks with every smallest move I make, and a plain wardrobe. The bathroom is also small and smelt of mould. I sat there for ten minutes with tears in my eyes as it has finally dawned on me that this is where I am going to spend the next 12 months of my life.
I got over that initial shock and went out to buy all the necessary 'homey' stuff, like sheets and blankets for the bed, a kettle, some pots and pans and other toiletry items as well as a pot plant. It's amazing how little things like these can cheer you up so much, and make a basic place feel like home. Fortunately, I also got on with my fellow students at uni quite well, and the year went by just as quickly as it came.
It wasn't until a month before we were due to leave, in January 2004, did I started seeing G, even though we've practiced martial arts together for the entire year at the same Dojo (Training centre). It wasn't until we went to Paris to attend an Aikido seminar did we really notice each other's existence.
Throughout my year in Germany, as I had mentioned, I was still sort of with DC, although, our relationship had been suffering from the lack of communication and my own realisation that I am not the person he wants me to be, and I never will. The year in Germany slowly developed me and brought out some qualities in me that clashed heavily with what DC wanted in a girlfriend/wife.
In August, after having travelled for two months throughout Europe, I sacrificed a month of possible further extensive travels, and flew back to Brisbane to see DC. Problems started immediately with me discovering that he didn't bother even opening the beautifully, time consuming hand written letters I had sent him, and that he wanted to cancel on going to a performance (Nutcrackers on Ice I believe it was) that we booked a long time ago, because he planned to play computer games with his friends on the same day.
I was ready to leave and catch the next flight back 'home' to Germany by the end of the second week, but somehow, DC convinced me to stay.
Days went by in Germany and there were more fights and arguments over the phone and I was certain when I go back I was going to dump him. February came, and we went on this weekend seminar in Paris. G was acting extremely attentive and I noticed his mates making jokes on the side about the two of us. When we got back, we started hanging out a little bit more, going to cafes and chat about this and that... G knew very well I had a boyfriend back home, yet that didn't deter him from wanting to spend time with me.
Until, one day, over a phone call with DC, I exploded. I didn't want to take any of his sh*t anymore and I mentioned I didn't want to speak to him until I get back to Aust. That day, I didn't turn up to training, and G got worried. He came around after training, I cried my hearts out to him, and I suppose, that's when it all happened.
(to be continued)
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Comment by Cibbuano
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Also, video game are awesome, but definitely not worth cancelling on a girlfriend for.
Comment by Joanne Fedler
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Jo
Comment by AmyHuang
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Hi Jo - well, long distance relationships are hard to manage, and I learnt it all the hard way!
Comment by Krystal
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Sorry I've been so slow, I only come onto Orble about twice a week, I had been and gone to-night before I remembered to 'hunt you down' so I've just come on again to leave my comment and my vote.
Naturally, we knew you'd passed on from Germany.
I think you should think more about just what you want from a relationship, not just fall victim when you're upset, which seems to have happened in Germany.
Of course, it's wonderful to have comforting arms around you but you should have given up on DC years before, a common mistake many young girls make. He was bad news for most of the time you knew him and finally left you very vulnerable, that is something you need to think about.
As you can see I am not just the "poor you' type which makes me rather unpopular but I would like to save people repeating some of their own errors.
Love to a very lovely girl who deserves the good things in life but too often puts herself on the path for the other.
No doubt some would like to hit me over the head for my comments but they are intended to help you, believe it or believe it not.
Comment by AmyHuang
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Comment by Cibbuano
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Comment by AmyHuang
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I must admit, I don't know much about men in Hong Kong and China. I did have a crush on someone who was from Hong Kong background, and he did feel a little different to DC, but I never got to find out coz nothing really happened with that crush!