It must have always been in me...
March 11th 2008 05:08
I think there is always going to be this little wild side in me that refuse to settle, and Will is feeling it. Although, I do love the man too much to think of being unfaithful in anyway.
Perhaps that was the major problem. Someone like me simply cannot withstand a long distance relationship and the year spent in Germany unleashed that tendency of drifting once I am no longer in physical presence to the other person.
It was almost June I vaguely remember, and I was finishing off my final year project at uni. I was still with G at the time when CB came into my life. Something must had been brewing because although I had intension to really wait for G to get to Sydney to visit, I was longing to be close to someone and CB seemed like a convenient choice.
I can't remember who started it. There was a house party, there were alcohol and perhaps CB might have encouraged it a little. It was then I realised, no matter how much I like G, there was a chance we'll be apart most of the time and there is no way I'll be able to keep up with the relationship only being able to see him once every 6 months.
The next morning, I called him and told him everything. It was painful for both of us, but I didn't want to leave it too late and to have him find out another way.
It didn't mean I was in love with CB. No. For both of us I think there were only a little bit of the real 'interest' and more of the lust that was involved. We were both using each other as an outlet and we both knew that. However knowing now that I have the tendency to do so, it was unfair to G if I chose to stay with him.
G was furious, confused and generally pissed off. I wouldn't expect otherwise. He was young and had poured the contents of his heart fully into our relationship and of course, this was not pleasant to him. To me, I was being realistic. I knew it wouldn't work out, and I knew eventually one of us will slip. I still liked him a lot, but in reality, I've really only been with him for two weeks in Germany and my feelings really haven't developed further than just to 'like'. Love at the time was still few miles away.
G and I decided it was wise not to contact each other again for a while, for both of us to settle our emotions and to really think about the situation.
Meanwhile, CB kept advancing and the one night fling turned into an eight month tangled ordeal.
Perhaps that was the major problem. Someone like me simply cannot withstand a long distance relationship and the year spent in Germany unleashed that tendency of drifting once I am no longer in physical presence to the other person.
It was almost June I vaguely remember, and I was finishing off my final year project at uni. I was still with G at the time when CB came into my life. Something must had been brewing because although I had intension to really wait for G to get to Sydney to visit, I was longing to be close to someone and CB seemed like a convenient choice.
I can't remember who started it. There was a house party, there were alcohol and perhaps CB might have encouraged it a little. It was then I realised, no matter how much I like G, there was a chance we'll be apart most of the time and there is no way I'll be able to keep up with the relationship only being able to see him once every 6 months.
The next morning, I called him and told him everything. It was painful for both of us, but I didn't want to leave it too late and to have him find out another way.
It didn't mean I was in love with CB. No. For both of us I think there were only a little bit of the real 'interest' and more of the lust that was involved. We were both using each other as an outlet and we both knew that. However knowing now that I have the tendency to do so, it was unfair to G if I chose to stay with him.
G was furious, confused and generally pissed off. I wouldn't expect otherwise. He was young and had poured the contents of his heart fully into our relationship and of course, this was not pleasant to him. To me, I was being realistic. I knew it wouldn't work out, and I knew eventually one of us will slip. I still liked him a lot, but in reality, I've really only been with him for two weeks in Germany and my feelings really haven't developed further than just to 'like'. Love at the time was still few miles away.
G and I decided it was wise not to contact each other again for a while, for both of us to settle our emotions and to really think about the situation.
Meanwhile, CB kept advancing and the one night fling turned into an eight month tangled ordeal.
| 53 |
| Vote |
Subscribe to this blog
Comment by katyzzz
Photography Tips
Health Focus
Poetry Lighthouse
MS Paint Art
Comment by AmyHuang
Sydney Table
Project Job Search
Travel Debate
Travel String
Love Adventures