First impressions of modern romance.
September 1st 2007 17:28
They're already eyeing each other up.
I've not really got any regularity to my posts as yet, i'm focussed on writing my dissertation, and so resort to finding any time i can to think and write here. I also write on facebook and livejournal, so there's a lot to do. Plus my lazy ways keep me busy. I may be addicted to sleeping.
Anyway, it was from facebook that i got to writing this advice after looking at a profile of a girl i'm good friends with that i had a great (but embarrassing and destructive first chat with).
Take this post as if you want to listen to anything i say, listen to this, as it is one of the most important things to consider when talking to girls. Make a good first impression and you're off to the best (and only acceptable) start to chatting up a girl.
Two things girls (and everyone) think about when someone of the opposite sex approaches you is, can i have sex with it? Or even, do i want to have sex with it? If that is yes, then your work is a lot easier in the talking stages. If it is no, then it'll always be tough work, as i've often encountered. I've been writing on a large work on girls, and how their personalities, looks and state of friendship with me all relate as to how attracted they are to me. There's a lot of work to be done on it, but as far as i can tell, the girls i find most attractive find me the least attractive.
That is, girls with certain physical features and personality traits that i lust for simply have little interest in me, and to date, i've only ever managed to get with one girl that falls under that category. But my oh my it was good. Nevertheless, i know that if i want to try it with a girl i really like, i'll have to work pretty hard.
On nights out it is always hard to start up a decent conversation with someone you've never met before as it's usually in a loud environment. Finding a quiet spot for conversation is the best way forwards. If that isn't possible then a good few dance moves gets always gets the girls going, the chat can follow. Don't know how to dance? Practise infront of a mirror, the internet probably can teach you.
Alcohol is always the added incentive to talking to girls, it gives you more confidence and the girl less inhibtions. Usually a good way forwards. Whatever the scenario however, be it in a club or the library, if the opportunity arises to talk to a girl you like, you should always take it. Life is too short to be thinking about what the best thing to say to a girl would be and then not doing it.
When i was 17 I spent 5 months sat on the opposite side of the food court in college, looking at a girl that i liked so much, but i never had the confidence to talk to her and have regretted it ever since. I still get very nervous going and saying hi to a girl, and i find it very difficult to do in a place like the library at Uni if i've never laid eyes on them before. It's something i intend to work on.
One of my flatmates, Malcolm (man of steel) had a girl approach him in the library and ask him if he would like to go for a Coffee. Now, Malcolm is possibly the nicest guy ever, and whilst he didn't find the girl attractive, he admired her confidence and agreed to go. It didn't go much past the first date, but he was very willing to see if he liked her personality and could work on the physical attraction later.
It works both ways, people are suprisingly open minded. If you can get to the point of asking a girl for a drink, 80% of the time she will, 15% she will say she has a boyfriend (12% of the time that is a lie), and the final 5% will say they aren't interested, but whatever the outcome, you've done it once, and from there it's easy.
Plus, 80% chance to win are good odds for no money. What do you do if you get on the date? I could go into deep and detailed ways to get the girl to like you, but in the long run, you have to be yourself, there's no other way. Think of some good conversation topics, ask her lots of questions, listen intently and sound interested. Girls love to talk. They also love a good listener.
Conversely, In a club it's very different. Ask yourself the question, Why do most people go out? To get drunk and have a good time? Thats what a lot of people say, and it maybe true, but (with the general exception of 'taken' girls) more than most are always out for meeting new people and usually having furious sex with anyone they like
So what can you do to improve your chatting up style? Do you even have a chatting up style first of all? If not, you need to get into the mentality that the worst that could happen is the girl doens't want to talk to you. No death, no injury, and you'll be with the knowledge that she isn't interested. Moreover, if you become friends, you'll only open yourself up to future possibilties with her, or with her friends. It is important to remember this, it does make things easier.
Being much more direct in a club can also be a valuable move, i find sarcasm works suprisingly well for some reason, but i've grown up with sarcasm so i know how to use it. Use your personality traits to your advantage. Become a more confident person, about your personality and your looks then you're onto a winner.
I've never favoured the cocky approach; giving a girl a half compliment ('oh that dress is nice, there's a girl by the bar wearing the same one'), and then walking off and ignoring her for the rest of the night/until she comes up to you, which does work, but i'm too nice for that. I like to be the nice guy. In making a girl laugh you can make her feel welcome. It can also lead to friendship, which isn't the way forwards. You have to play each girl by ear and take a chance. Working on more than one approach in chatting up girls is hard work, but the reward can be amazing.
If you're shy, then try and get introuduced to a friend of a friend, although it has possible complications for the future its a lot eaiser than walking up to a complete stranger. Small steps. I can almost guarentee that your confidence will grow dramatically the more you talk to the opposite sex. Some girls you won't get on with but find attractive, some you'll get on with exceptionally well but not fancy. It's the way things go, but one time out of five, you'll find a girl that you really like.
I realise this has turned out to be a very long post, so I'll finish with the example i thought of to start this topic. I was in a bar with a few friends, and a sweet girl walks in with a girl who i am also good friends with. We are quickly introduced and we start chatting away. You can always tell something is good when the conversation flows. Within 10 minutes we'd become pretty comfortable talking to each other...when my chewing gum fell into her drink.
...Since then there has been no sexual involvement.
It's happened to me twice now, once at Uni and once at home. I'll haave to re-consider the 'fresh breath' approach. Oh well!
Luckily she saw past it, and we're pretty close friends now (after buying her a replacement drink of course), but if that disaster hadn't have happened, things might have ended up a little differently that night. You live and learn. Take chances, don't miss oppotunities, don't regret anything you've done that you were scared to do, and be confident.
I'm going to direct you to one of my favourite sites on orble, (click here), It's really funny, with a lot of advice relating to this kind of thing, coming from its writer, Ethan.
Much love.
III
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