U-oh, its that cold feet again...
October 19th 2008 06:48
A good friend of mine is getting married next year. She was so excited in the beginning, planning and drawing out everything that will happen at the wedding. Had her fiance fly out to Sydney (she is currently unable to be relieved from her work overseas) to check out venues and put deposits on a couple of things and I am organising their honeymoon.
Then one day, she writes me an email, saying that she is no longer certain if she wanted to marry this guy.
Because of the nature of their work, they have been living in different countries and only able to meet up once every two month when she can take some leave. Although in the beginning everything was looking very positive, but now, she is getting a little tired of this long distance relationship. Her contract expires in May, but even that seems so long in the future.
She said she is no long sure if her decision was right. They are too much alike, too much like brothers and sisters and although there is never a dull moment in their lives she feels that there isn't that passion or the strong physical attraction that used to dominate their relationship anymore.
Feels familiar doesn it? I thought to myself. I was feeling exactly the same thing a couple of month ago.
Why do we all get cold feet? Is it because sometimes things just happen too fast for us to react to them and to really sit down and think about them?
I know for a fact that too many marriages out there are based on physcial attraction that after the initial stages of marriage the attraction eventually dies off and the couple will eventually split and end up finding someone else. The most successful marriages are based on friendship as well as all other forms of attraction, and you don't really have to be head over heels over someone and always have the urge for physical pleasure, to marry them. Love comes in different forms don't they? Isn't emotional satisfaction and comfort just as important in a relationship? Also, as my aunt puts it: It's better to marry someone that loves you more than you love them.
Which is what I told her.
But then again, it's individual decisions. We are very much alike and I understand fully how she is feeling. I too, often feel trapped by commitment and have a need to get out of this 'comfort' zone, but I know, I am better of with who I am comfortable with for the rest of my life, than the one that I always have to look out for and end up wasting the rest of my life not comfortable.
Right?
Then one day, she writes me an email, saying that she is no longer certain if she wanted to marry this guy.
Because of the nature of their work, they have been living in different countries and only able to meet up once every two month when she can take some leave. Although in the beginning everything was looking very positive, but now, she is getting a little tired of this long distance relationship. Her contract expires in May, but even that seems so long in the future.
She said she is no long sure if her decision was right. They are too much alike, too much like brothers and sisters and although there is never a dull moment in their lives she feels that there isn't that passion or the strong physical attraction that used to dominate their relationship anymore.
Feels familiar doesn it? I thought to myself. I was feeling exactly the same thing a couple of month ago.
Why do we all get cold feet? Is it because sometimes things just happen too fast for us to react to them and to really sit down and think about them?
I know for a fact that too many marriages out there are based on physcial attraction that after the initial stages of marriage the attraction eventually dies off and the couple will eventually split and end up finding someone else. The most successful marriages are based on friendship as well as all other forms of attraction, and you don't really have to be head over heels over someone and always have the urge for physical pleasure, to marry them. Love comes in different forms don't they? Isn't emotional satisfaction and comfort just as important in a relationship? Also, as my aunt puts it: It's better to marry someone that loves you more than you love them.
Which is what I told her.
But then again, it's individual decisions. We are very much alike and I understand fully how she is feeling. I too, often feel trapped by commitment and have a need to get out of this 'comfort' zone, but I know, I am better of with who I am comfortable with for the rest of my life, than the one that I always have to look out for and end up wasting the rest of my life not comfortable.
Right?
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Comment by Cibbuano
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It's tough, for sure... do you go for comfort and respect, or chase the passion of a physical attraction?
Comment by AmyHuang
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If you had asked me about 5 years ago, I would probably have gone for the physical attraction (of course, still with personality)