Can I afford a baby?
August 19th 2008 12:13
This is going to be one topic I know many of you are going to be giving me lots of advice on 
I have a baby problem. I am afraid of them, and I don't want one.
I have several reasons:
1. Lots of my friends are mothers, as well as my lovely partner's sisters are now all mothers. I visit them, I watch their lives being devoured by their children and have absolutely no time and energy to do much else for themselves such as travelling (yes, it does always come back to that with me I am afraid) and even further education. They are stuck at home, and they seem to be just quite content to sit there and watch their babies.
I am afraid I am going to turn into that.
2. I travel a lot and I know you can travel with children. However I sit at the airport termnal, at the train station, in hotel lobbies and restaurants. The children get impatient, the baby screams and the parents are left trying to look dignified and having to control their upset kids at the same time.
I don't think I can take that.
3. Money. It's a major issue at the moment besides the top two. There is no way, we can afford a baby. Not only do they need to be fed, they need a cot to sleep in, clothes to wear that they seem to grow out of every month. They have medical bills if they get sick, baby formulas to buy and all sorts of other baby items that will simply eat away my savings.
There is no way I can afford a baby.
4. Committment. In relation to points one and two, I am not sure if I can see myself commiting 16 years to bring up a child, being bound by them while they still require care and to be fed and all. That's 16 years of my entire life!
Anyways, but with the 3rd point, there seem to be lots of advice on it. Last sunday's Telegraph has an article by Rhys Haynes that suggest ways on 'HOw to afford a baby' and some of the things he suggest not to buy are: Baby walkers, Baby bath cradles, Bean bags, Toy boxes, Jolly Jumpers, Small items, Cot frills, bumpers, pillows or quilts and Prajectile toys.
Seems quite obvious actually but everything else still cost money!
Thankfully, we both think we can't afford a baby at the moment, so I am off the hook for now. However sometime in the future, I am sure the conversation will come: Can we have a family?
No. But ask me again in another 5 years.
I have a baby problem. I am afraid of them, and I don't want one.I have several reasons:
1. Lots of my friends are mothers, as well as my lovely partner's sisters are now all mothers. I visit them, I watch their lives being devoured by their children and have absolutely no time and energy to do much else for themselves such as travelling (yes, it does always come back to that with me I am afraid) and even further education. They are stuck at home, and they seem to be just quite content to sit there and watch their babies.
2. I travel a lot and I know you can travel with children. However I sit at the airport termnal, at the train station, in hotel lobbies and restaurants. The children get impatient, the baby screams and the parents are left trying to look dignified and having to control their upset kids at the same time.
I don't think I can take that.
3. Money. It's a major issue at the moment besides the top two. There is no way, we can afford a baby. Not only do they need to be fed, they need a cot to sleep in, clothes to wear that they seem to grow out of every month. They have medical bills if they get sick, baby formulas to buy and all sorts of other baby items that will simply eat away my savings.
There is no way I can afford a baby.
4. Committment. In relation to points one and two, I am not sure if I can see myself commiting 16 years to bring up a child, being bound by them while they still require care and to be fed and all. That's 16 years of my entire life!
Anyways, but with the 3rd point, there seem to be lots of advice on it. Last sunday's Telegraph has an article by Rhys Haynes that suggest ways on 'HOw to afford a baby' and some of the things he suggest not to buy are: Baby walkers, Baby bath cradles, Bean bags, Toy boxes, Jolly Jumpers, Small items, Cot frills, bumpers, pillows or quilts and Prajectile toys.
Seems quite obvious actually but everything else still cost money!
Thankfully, we both think we can't afford a baby at the moment, so I am off the hook for now. However sometime in the future, I am sure the conversation will come: Can we have a family?
No. But ask me again in another 5 years.
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Comment by camel
Comment by Sara Dobson
Love Mate
Parents Precinct
The Travel Map
My Turn
I have had the same issues as you when deciding to have a baby.
As you can see from my travel site I am also a keen traveller.
The mistake people make prior to having children(me included) is thinking that life is about to get a whole lot worse. It doesn't, some things are hard but put them into context.
1. Sleepless nights for 2 months vs your baby smiling at you and thinking you are the bees knees. Not to mention a lifetime of love and laughter.
2 Travel - yes the biggy. Sure I can't aimlessly wander for months living on noodles and washing my knickers in the sink (not that I did that much any way). But doesn't mean I don't travel. I just do different things like going to the gold coast, or the UK to stay with my friends. Some people have taken their young babies around Asia in a baby pack.
My daughter is well behaved and that is because I am a good parent. So I have to make sure she has a dummy and or a bottle at take off and landing, and she doesn't cry.
And if she did the stress would be down to her pain, a mother hates her child being in pain. She doesn't care what a few intolerant people think.
In terms of affording one, well I suggest that you wait until you are both working. But children need love and attention more than they need "stuff", so it is more important to know that you are you ready spend time with it rather than money. As long as they are warm and have somewhere to sleep they are happy. Don't buy jolly jumpers they are bad for them any way. Pillows cot bumpers and quilts cause cot death so you don't need them.
Yes your life is differnet with a baby but it is definitely not worse. Oh and amy I know plenty of mothers will tell you this, but you have no idea what uncondtional love is until you have a baby. It is indescribable but it is lovely.
I am certainly not trying to convince you amy if you don't want one don't have one. All I am saying that it is not all bad on fact it is mostly good otherwise everyone would stop at one.
All the best
Comment by Sara Dobson
Love Mate
Parents Precinct
The Travel Map
My Turn
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Having a baby (or 3 in my case) is the worst financial decision anyone could make.
Having said that, having a mortgage is a bad financial decision too because the amount of interest you pay over a 25 year loan is something like triple the actual cost of the house.
Travelling, well again, not a wise financial decision because there's nothing tangible at the end of it. Just a fantastic life experience.....just like having a baby.
I could tell you that having a baby will change you and not many people think it is for the worst, and Sara is right, you don't know unconditional love until you've had a child.
Having a child gave me more drive to be honest.
I have one friend who did her second degree when her first was a baby.
Another friend who was very career driven had a baby last year....all of a sudden the career isn't as important to her. Well, she aims for the moon now, not the stars.
But none of what I'm saying may ring true with you and to be honest most of what I say probably sounds trite because I really can't find the words to accurately describe what it is to be a parent. Personally, I just think parenting is that good.
Parenting isn't for everyone. Definitely not for my sister for example. And if she came up to me and said she wanted to be a parent I'd probably talk her out of it.
The only advice I would give is don't let money stop you from having a baby. Money always sorts itself out. But if you honestly don't see yourself as the parenting type then that's something else.
And it is easier to have babies when you're friends around you are having babies too. It is less isolating albeit a little more hectic.
I'll come and find you in five years.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by AmyHuang
Sydney Table
Project Job Search
Travel Debate
Travel String
Love Adventures
As for the unconditional love - Sara and Mrs M - I do actually know and I have seen it, even from the least suspecting people I know - I see it in their eyes, in their action and in their smile. I do think it's a great feeling and I do think I am capable of doing that, I am still extremely hung up on the travelling issue. However as I said, this will be reviewed again perhaps in 5 years (or less if that maternal instinct kicks in) so I won't think about it for now
And Sara - that was no lecture at all! All good advice to me!